The issue is this. I have been a professing Christian for several decades and during those years I had seasons where I willfully viewed pornography! I have been brought to a point where i know that I am free from this sinfulness. I have confessed this to my pastor and have placed myself under his accountability for what ever he may believe the Spirit would have done. However I now fear that I have fulfilled Heb 10:26 and that it's of no use anyway!
I have been begging our Lord to kill me and to send me to hell where I belong! I have been hurting His heart for so long and that of the Spirit that I hate myself and know that I belong in hell! To tell the truth the pains of hell cannot be any more painful; then believing that our Lord is done with me! To know that my creator will not hold me in His arms and that I have done this! life without our Lord is not worth living and the other day I found myself holding my 357 and just thinking I might as well go where I belong! Call it cowardliness or what ever I could not do it, strange as it seems I know that God did not OK it! And now I find that I am keenly aware of so many areas of my life where I have been nothing but slackardly in my walk, it's hopeless! The real kicker is that I now HATE sin and try to fight it at all levels, but the inner voice keeps pointing out what's the use God now hates you and you finished!
Well if you have no words of wisdom, I understand, but perhaps you might mention me in prayer Thanks
My response is in Green:
It is time to quit listening to Satan. He is the one telling you that God is done with you. You do not fit the description of the person in Hebrews 10:26. (Hebrews 10:26 NIV) If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left... You did fit it until you quit, but now you don't. Let me show you what I mean. Jesus told us this: (John 6:44 NIV)  No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day.
The very fact that you are remorseful for your sin and that you want to follow Christ proves that God has not given up on you. When God gives up on you, He will quit drawing you and you will no longer even have the desire to follow Christ. Paul talks about it in this passage: (Romans 1:24-32 NIV)  Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.  They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-who is forever praised. Amen.  Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.  In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.  Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.  They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips,  slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;  they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.  Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
God gave these people over to their lusts. At that point they no longer cared that what they were doing was wrong, because God had given up on them. You are not in that group and your message to me proves it.
Satan is trying to get your soul by telling you that God no longer loves you, if that were true, Satan would not need to tell you it, because it would be too late. This is a battle for your soul and you better straighten up and follow God from here on out. It is not too late, but you know you can't go back to living like that and remain a Christian. Praise God that He loves you and has not given up on you, and then follow Him.
E-Mail Ralph (whose comments are in green)
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