I just don't love myself anymore...

I quit...

I have been to yer website... I have read every testimony... good for them, but not for me....

I have prayed for 5 months the prayer of Job, (Job 6, vs. 8-10) but the Lord doesn't answer it...

I assure you... I am a Christian... I love the Lord with all my heart... and I prayed for Jesus to come into my heart when I was a wee lad... I just don't love myself anymore... that's all... once I was happy, but sadness molests me like an unseen viper... when I think I'm clear... he comes back... I have begged God for a way out... but he either will not deliver (like he didn't to Job) or else he thinks my passing on will serve as an example to others...

I have begged him for a way out... I have pleaded... cried... prayed... asked the Holy Spirit to intervene (a la Romans...) - ..begged my Savior himself to find me a way out, but there is none I can see...and one must pray like everything depends on God, but work like it depends on himself...

I am a goner... I quit... God forgive me... and please... please... don't hold this last sin against me...

My response is in Green:

If you have prayed the prayer of Job (asking to be killed) and God has not done so, maybe it is time to pray the prayer Jesus told us to pray. "Your will be done." You say you love the Lord with all your heart, but yet you are asking Him to do what you want, not asking Him what He wants. No I don't know all your situation or how hopeless it seems to you, but I know God and I know He is able to help you if you are willing. Paul went through much the same feelings as you:

(2 Corinthians 1:8-11 NIV) [8] We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. [9] Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. [10] He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, [11] as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

Read that passage a couple of times. Why did Paul say he went through this? So he would learn to lean on God not himself. This is the Apostle Paul, if he had to learn that, I am sure we might have to learn that too. Also notice that he talks about being helped by the prayers of other believers. Are you in fellowship with other believers? Are you open and honest with them and asking them for prayer and support?

Let me show you another passage:

(1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV) [19] Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; [20] you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

You say you love the Lord with all your heart, well then this passage applies to you. You are not your own, you were bought at a price (the blood and death of Jesus Christ) so honor God with your body. You can't honor God and honor His temple if you are killing it.

Do I have the answer to your problems? Yes and no. I have no idea what you are going through, but I know God is the answer. He might not deliver you the way you want delivered but if you will put your focus on Him and allow Him to control your life, He will see you through.

To active things to get rid of the depression. Play praise music and sing and praise God, even when you don't feel like it at all. Force yourself, this is a responsibility, not something we are to do only when we feel on top of the mountain.

Your willful self murder will bring you nothing but more pain and separation from the One you need most. You said you don't love yourself anymore, fine, you don't need to, you only need to love God and put Him first in your life. I will tell you right now, even if it makes you made, that you do love yourself or you would not be talking like you are. You are not looking for a way out of your situation because you hate yourself or because you don't love yourself, you are looking for a way out because of how important you are in your own eyes. Important enough to want to get out of the pain and suffering you are in. That is normal, but don't believe that lie that it is because you don't love yourself. Your focus needs to be off of you and onto Christ.

Am I being tough on you? You bet I am, but the truth is often hard to hear. You said something to the affect that maybe God thinks your passing will serve others. If you mean your suicide, then you are dead wrong. God's plan does NOT include suicide.

I want to make one more point. You said you love the Lord with all your heart, but if you decide to take your own life, you are spitting into the face of Jesus Christ, who gave up His position as God to become a human and to die in your place so that you might have everlasting life. You are telling Him that what He did for you was not enough, you are telling Him that you want to be the god of your life and not allow Him to be.

Look at what the writer of Psalm 77 has to say:

(Psalm 77:1-4 NIV)
[1] I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. [2] When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. [3] I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. Selah
[4] You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.

Does that sound like you? I will tell you it sounds like all of us at one time or another. But don't quit there, look what he says just a little bit later:

(Psalm 77:10-12 NIV) [10] Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High." [11] I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. [12] I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.

This has everything to do with focus. We can choose to focus on what we don't like or place our trust in God and remember the good things He has done for us, knowing that He will continue to help us.

You said you have been praying the prayer of Job, but you seemed to have missed a few other things that Job said, such as this:

(Job 13:15a NIV) Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him

Now is not the time to quit, it is time to get the focus off yourself and onto your Lord and Savior and get into the fight. That is what this is, it is a fight for your soul. Satan wants you to commit suicide and Christ wants you to live, who are you going to follow?



E-Mail Ralph (Whose comments are in green)

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