I read part of your website tonight. I'm a Christian however have lost all desire to continue on in life. I almost jumped in front of a train tonight. Any suggestions on what I should read? I told my wife if next year is as bad as this year was I won't be here next New Years.
My response is in Green:
The only reading suggestion I have is the Bible. I am often brutally honest. That is the person I am, it does not mean that I don't have compassion, but I only know one way to say the truth, but I do try to say it in love. I said that because I am going to tell you what I say in your letter to me and I am not sure you will like it, but I believe it is the truth and I believe it is the root of your problem.
What I saw in your message was that you are first on your list of important people. You are above your wife and her needs and feelings and you are above Christ and His will and purpose in your life. You say you are a Christian, but I am here to tell you that is just a word unless you put Christ first in your life.
(Matthew 16:24 NIV) Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
It is time to deny yourself. It is time to put your Savior first in your life and honor Him with your life. Let me show you another passage:
(1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV)  Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
You were bought by the blood and death of Jesus Christ, and you must honor Him with your body. Jumping in front of a train or killing yourself in some other way is not honoring Him with your body. Don't be fooled, you can't claim to be a Christian and not follow Christ.
(1 John 2:3-6 NIV)  We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands.  The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him.  But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him:  Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
Think long and hard about that verse. Read your Bible and you will see that God demands to be first, and then your wife should be next and then yourself last. That is what God demands and what makes us obedient to Him. It is what gives us the joy of life too. You can't have joy in this life if you are not putting Christ first, it is impossible. Oh, maybe for short periods at a time, but not the deep peace and joy in your soul. Only Christ offers that.
I am sorry that you had a bad year, but again read your Bible and you will see people who also had bad times. Let me just quote one of them for you:
(2 Corinthians 1:8-11 NIV)  We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.  Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us,  as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
"Beyond our ability to endure," "we despaired even of life," "in our hearts we felt the sentence of death." Does any of that sound familiar to you? Now look at why Paul says this happened: "That we might not rely on ourselves but on God!" He also mentions how important the prayers of other believers are.
There are many other people in the Bible who were depressed and wanted to die. There was Jonah, there was Elijah, there was David, and many more, but there was one you may never have thought about, so I want to tell you that story here:
(Matthew 26:38-39 NIV)  Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."
 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
That is right, Jesus Christ felt overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. He knew what He was about to endure, He was not happy about it, but notice what He did. He gave it all to the Father and told Him that He wanted His will to be done.
So when you are down and feel like dying, remember Jesus knows exactly what you are going through. Go to Him and get the rest for your soul that He offers. But as I said before it is no use until you place Him first in your life.
(Isaiah 40:28-31 NIV)  Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;  but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
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