I am losing the battle with homosexuality.

The battle that i am loosing is my struggle with homosexuality. I am also married. I am also tired of hearing the arguement that I have "chosen" this. I am 50 and I have struggled with this all my life and I have acted out on it.

I want to end this fight, this struggle. Sometimes I want to leave my wife and be single so she can be with a man who loves her like a man should, and I can stop living a lie.

This is so hard. I am so tired.

My response is in Green:

Well you probably won't like my reply then either. First suicidewon't do you any good at all, second, you are half right, you didn't choose the temptation, but you have chosen the sin. None of us has control on how we are tempted, but when we 'act' out the sin that is totally on us, but the good news is you can be free from this sin. First of course you need to get right with God, then you need to give Him complete control of your life. So let me start with how to get right with Him.

We will all have to answer to God someday for the wrong things we have done. These are called sins and we have all done some of them. God is holy and demands death for anyone who sins.

(Ezekiel 18:4 NIV) For every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son--both alike belong to me. The soul who sins is the one who will die.

That is the bad news, we are all under a death sentence from a Holy God, who can't stand sin and we have all sinned. Now for the good news. God loves us and does not want us to go to hell to be punished for our sins. Because He is Holy He can't just forgive and forget our sins, His Holy nature demands that some one pays for those sins.

(John 3:16 NIV) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Here is more good news:

(Romans 5:8 NIV) But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

So what does this mean to us? It means that if we die without getting right with God we will go to hell for eternity and suffer in punishment for our sins. However, if we will believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for our sins, and if we confess our sins (admit them to God) and ask Him to forgive us He will. And if we believe that after He died God the Father raised Him back to life then we will be saved and if we die we will go to be with God.

(Romans 10:9 NIV) That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Now once you have been saved now you can be free from the sin of homosexuality or any other sin. You may have read my testimony but if not, I will give you the very short version. I grew up in a Christian home, but when I went into the Marine Corps, I walked away from my faith. I did not quit believing, but I quit following. I wanted to live my way. I did live my way for a little over 20 years, and then God got a hold of me and I came back to Him. However, I had sins that I just could not seem to stop committing. I would pray and repent and sure enough I would go back and do the same thing over and over again. I prayed that God would help me overcome this problem, but it just didn't seem to work. One day I was reading my Bible and praying and I just gave up. I told God that He knew I wanted to stop but that I was not able to. I told Him that if He wanted me to live a holy life, then He was going to have to do it for me because I could not do it myself. I told Him that I was willing for Him to take complete control of my life, because I knew I could not control it myself.

Let me give you a passage of scripture which illustrates what I am talking about:

(Romans 6:16-18 NIV) [16] Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey-whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? [17] But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. [18] You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

Notice that we are never set free to control our own lives. We are either a slave to sin or a slave to righteousness. That is what most people don't understand. I did not understand it. God will never help you take control of your own life, He wants control and either you give it to Him or you remain a slave to sin. That does not mean you are not saved, it means that your sinful nature is still in control.

This is not talked about much anymore, but it is what the Bible calls sanctification. This is when we are freed from the bondage of sin and God takes control of our lives. I will tell you that I have never felt such freedom as I did when I finally gave up and let God have control of my life.

Here is another passage that deals with this:

(Romans 8:1-8 NIV) [1] Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, [2] because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. [3] For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, [4] in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. [5] Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. [6] The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; [7] the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. [8] Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

Notice in verse 6 Paul tells us that the mind controlled by theSpirit is life! God will help you, but you have to be willing to give complete control to Him. Admit that you can't do it. There truly is victory in Jesus. Believe me I still struggle with temptation, but it is different now. Before the temptation over took me like a giant wave. I would get caught up in it and swept away. I felt like I had no control, I could not resist. But now, it is like I see the wave coming and I just quickly pray that God will deliver me and He does.

I am sure what I am saying sounds easy and in a way it is, but in a way it is very hard too. It is hard for us as humans to let go and give God everything. I know I thought I had for years, but now I know that I had kept back a little bit of control and that is where my weakness was. I am not capable of controlling my life. I am no longer embarrassed to admit that. I now have freedom in Christ and have never been happier.

Ralph

Original e-mailer response is in Blue:

But if I confess my sin about my past, and repent about killing myself...

God will forgive me?

My response is in Green:

Let me ask you a question in return. If I go up to my wife and tell her

that I love her and that I am truly sorry and ask her to forgive me for hitting her, what do you think she would say? Now remember, I haven't hit her yet.

Of course she might say something like, "if you are really sorry then you won't go ahead and do it anyway!"

She might say that because she is a smart woman and knows that if I was truly sorry I wouldn't go ahead and hit her. Now like I said my wife is smart, but she isn't half as smart as God is, so if she can figure this out, how do you think you can fool God?

You can't ask for forgiveness for something before you do it, because it shows you aren't truly sorry for doing it or you would not go ahead and do it anyway.

Original e-mailer response is in Blue:

I'm not trying to fool God.

I am just tired of this roller coaster ride, the yes, no, yes, no, yes, life that I am living. I'm tired of my dark side - I just know how it will be once again and again and again. I have been on this ride dealing with this all my life.

I'm just tired.

My response is in Green:

That is why I explained to you how God says you can be free from sin. It is also how you get rest for your soul, two things you seem to want, however, I also told you that you have to want to be free from sin, if we look at our sin and think we really can't live without them, then we will never be free, you have to hate your sin and want to be free.

Original e-mailer response is in Blue:

I gave my heart to Jesus when I was young, went to church, raised my children in the church... was a sunday school teacher, church administrator, new beleivers ministry... and here I am in the middle of all this struggle...

Ralph this is much more than selecting to rob a bank or kill someone, this is who I am.... my head, my heart, I can't rip it out and bury it... its who I am.....

And therein lies the problem. You identify yourself with your sin. Going to church and teaching, etc. means nothing who you are means everything. God offers to make you a new creation, but it seems you don't want that, because who you are is a sinner. Sorry to be blunt, but that was exactly why I said you have to WANT to be free from this sin, it is offered to you, but it will never be forced upon you.

Ralph

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