I never thought I would be thinking of suicide.

As a former police officer I have seen a lot and investigated many suicide I never thought I'd be thinking about it I left a NJ PD which was the love of my life to make my wife happy so she could be with her family I took a job in FL the PD I chose was such a disappointment and so full of corruption and cover ups I ended up leaving a job I loved I tried doing some music and was doing OK but my wife and her family took the attitude that it wasn't a real job but this was all I knew how to do I finally got involved with search and rescue I did the best I could and finally got some recognition for my efforts except from my wife's family who found fault with my dogs "they smelled" or some other comment I finally moved out and tried to make it what little money I got I let her keep and tried to succeed in what ever well 6 months later I finally have to admit I cant do it anymore I'm tired I have donated one dog to corrections and my pride and joy Kirby I left to a dear friend I ache because I'll never follow him into the wood or street looking for that lost child or missing Alzheimer patient Tonight I asked to come home she forbid me a while ago to bring my dogs into her house She's pretty much said I'm not much of a husband the depression is killing me and a kind word would have meant so much at this point I leave here tomorrow for my so called home but just for a short time to put my affairs in order maybe a day or two then I'll call it quits and she can be the grief stricken widow and I'll finally be happy again hopefully they'll be a PD in heaven that's looking for a good cop.

My response is in Green:

Thank you for writing me. I am sorry to hear that you are at a point where you are thinking of suicide. I will tell you up front that I think suicide is a sin against God. He gave you life and it is up to Him when your life ends. To make that decision yourself is to sin against a holy God.(Romans 6:23 NIV) For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The good news is that God loves you and wants to have a relationship with you.(Romans 5:8 NIV) But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.We were all born into this life as sinners, as a police officer you know what I mean. You have seen the evil the human heart is capable of thinking up. All sin, no matter how small we may think it is, is a sin again a holy God, who because of His holy nature demands death to the person who commits that sin. We cannot do anything to save ourselves, we are doomed to be separated from God because He is holy and we are sinful. But that puts us back to the good news, God loves us and does not want us to be separated from Him for eternity, so He sent His Son to die for us. All we have to do is believe Jesus is who He said He was and that He did die for our sins and did rise again and will forgive us if we ask. Then we need to ask Him to forgive us and help us turn from our sinful ways.

I went through that because it is the most important thing I can tell you. It is the only thing that really matters at all. You need to get right with God, then He can and will help you with this depression and the other problems of your life. He sees eternity and knows that is the most important thing going on with you. You on the other hand see today and think it is the most important thing. Please listen to Him. If you kill yourself, you will seal your future, there is no going back, no changing anything, it is finished at that moment. (Hebrews 9:27 NIV) Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment... Don't take the chance that by committing suicide you seal your fate in the state it is now. Can you imagine living the way you are right now for all of eternity? That is not even close to how bad eternity without God would be like. It would make your life now look like a cake walk. Now let me turn that around, if you accept God's free gift of salvation, your life now might not get much better, but at least you can look forward to eternity in heaven with God and that will be so much better than you can imagine. (Revelation 21:4 NIV) He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Think about that, no more pain, no more death, no more mourning, no more depression!!

I said that if you accept God's free gift of salvation your life might now get much better, but I was only trying to make a point. The truth is that you life will get much better. Will the physical circumstances all get better? Maybe not, but God will walk with you, He will support you. (Isaiah 40:28-31 NIV) Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. {29} He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. {30} Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; {31} but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Suicide is not the solution. You need to show the metal you had as a cop! You need to stand up and take control and then give that control to God. If your wife and her family does not want you, then go forward. I have been there. I also quit law enforcement because of my wife. I went back into the military, but my wife only lived with me for 30 days after I got to my first duty station. Then she packed up and rode off into the sunset. I have been depressed too, I loved being a cop, but that was gone, my wife was gone, my money was gone. I was being told what to do by people half my age, who had no clue what the real world was all about. Like I said, been there, done that! I found that God is the answer and I know He is the answer for you too.

I went through some pretty rough times, but you know I did not go through them alone and things have worked out better than I ever thought they could work out.

Please think about this. You said that after you kill yourself you will be happy. Don't count on it. What if that does not happen, then what will you do? It will be too late to do anything. Wake up and smell the coffee. You have been on the street, you saw people who have problems make them worse by doing stupid things. How often did you shake your head and wonder what was going through their minds? That is the very cross roads you are at right now, don't do something stupid that you can't ever change.

You will notice that I don't pull any punches, but I know that if you were a good cop you want the truth, not some candy coated lie that is designed just to make you feel good. Here is the true bottom line. You can ask God for help and admit that you realize that you are a sinner in need of a savior and then accept His free gift of eternal life, or you can reject Him and take your life, but if you do you will be judged for having rejected Him. There are no second chances. People try to say that God does not really love them because He would punish them if they reject them, but what they fail to see is that He loves them enough to give them what they want. By rejecting God, the person is saying that they don't want to spend eternity with Him, that they don't want anything to do with Him; that is exactly what He will do for them. He will give them what they want. I will guarantee you that the moment they die, they change their minds, but it is too late.

Please don't make that mistake. I hope you will write back. I will pray for you. Remember: (John 3:16-18 NIV) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. {17} For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. {18} Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.

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