A week ago I tried to kill myself again...

My parents think that when I was younger I was a Christian, but I don't know if I am or not. Either way I feel depressed. My dad has had open heart surgery, and almost died, my Mom almost died from cancer, my brother and sister have almost died, I've had all my grandparents die, and 2 of my best friends die. A week ago I tried to kill myself again, I really don't think that I'll be living any longer.

My response is in Green:

If you are not sure if you are a Christian or not, then most likely you are not. I won't go back over everything, because you can reread my other message, but I will tell you again that I believe that Jesus Christ is the answer to your problems.

I have a couple questions for you. Why do you want to die? That might sound like a strange question, but think about it. What do you think death will be like? That is the million dollar question. If you don't know what happens after you die, then you better not try to kill yourself. The problem is this; the sadness and loneliness you feel now won't go away, if anything they will get worse. You will be totally alone after you die. That is assuming you die with out having a personal relationship with Jesus. Like I said in the last e-mail you were created to have a relationship with God and until you do you won't feel right. God loves you, but He won't force Himself on you, you have to be willing to love Him back.

Think about this, if you are depressed and hate life because you don't have a relationship with God and you can only get that relationship while you are alive, then committing suicide is only going to lock those feelings into you forever. See spiritual death which is the death sentence we are all under because of sin, is separation from God. Then there is punishment too on top of that. That is why I said you need to think about what death gives you. It is easy to look at death and think that the pain will be gone and that you will finally be able to rest and be at peace, but that is a lie. They person that you are, the thoughts and feelings that make you Kim, will continue to exist. The only thing that will change is that you won't be around the people you love now and you won't have a physical body at least not for a while. Later at judgment you will get a new physical body. Either that new body will enjoy God's company and all the good things He has created the way they are suppose to be, or it will experience physical pain in punishment forever.

I want you to understand why you are having the thoughts of suicide. It goes way back past the time you were born. God created the angels before He created mankind. Satan was created as an angel. He was perfect at first, but soon he decided that he wanted to be like God and have the other angels worship him. God does not play this game, there is only one God and He will not share His glory with anyone. God judged him and as His holy nature demands put him under punishment. This is where it gets very interesting. God did not start the punishment immediately, but instead commanded that it will happen later. Then God created the earth and mankind. I can't speak for God, but I think God was making a point to Satan and the other angels which followed him. God created mankind and gave us free will to choose good or bad. Satan knew this and tempted Adam and Eve. They sinned and God declared punishment on them just like Satan knew He would.

But God also did something else that drove Satan nuts. He provided a way for us to be forgiven. God never gave Satan a chance at forgiveness. God Himself paid our debt for us in the form of Jesus Christ. Satan hates God, but he is not powerful enough to do anything to God. God is in control and one day Satan will be punished and he knows it. However, Satan thinks he has found a way to hurt God. He knows that God loves us and he knows that God has left it up to us whether we accept His free gift of salvation or not. Satan also knows that we only have that choice until the day we die, after that our fate is sealed and we cannot change it.

Knowing these things; that God loves us, that we are sentenced to death, that we can be forgiven, but only until the day we die, Satan figures that if he can get us to kill ourselves without ever accepting Jesus as our Savior he will hurt God. See that is what it is all about. Satan could care less about you or me, but he knows God loves us so if he can hurt us and make sure we can't spend eternity with God, that will hurt God. If you commit suicide, Satan gets his wish. Now some people think that Satan will be in hell tormenting people and running things. That is not true, he will be there alright, but hell was made for his punishment. The people there won't have anything to worry about from Satan, but both them and Satan will both be punished by God.

So Satan keeps at you, trying to tell you that your life is not worth living. He tries to convince you that the best thing for you is death. He will tell you whatever you want to hear. If you are tired and want rest, then he will tell you that death will be rest. If you feel pain he will tell you that death will bring relief from the pain. If you are lonely he will tell you death will solve that too. It is all lies! He just wants you to be separated from God, so God won't have the pleasure of showing you His love. God does not want anyone to die for their sins: (Ezekiel 18:32 NIV) For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign LORD. Repent and live!

(John 3:16 NIV) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

This is a battle for your soul. Satan wants your soul lost for eternity and God wants you to be saved and your soul to live with Him forever. It is up to you which one wins. You have to fight it, you have to turn to God and ask for His help. You have to ask for His forgiveness and for Him to give you life. Satan won't quit once you are a Christian, but then you will not have to fight this alone, God will stand beside you and help you.

Well I have to go for now.

Ralph

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