Hi, I am a 29 yr old female that has tried numerous times to kill myself. I sometimes think I am better, but then I just get "lost" in this deep depression and I can't seem to get out of it. I have been hospitalized, on different meds and nothing seems to help. I am a College student doing very well, but there are times that I still feel so worthless and that I will still not mount to anything. I do not know where these feelings come from, and I am so sick of feeling like I do. I just feel like the only way out is taking my life. I know I would hurt a lot of people around me, but I still feel as if I would be better off if I did commit suicide. I think it crosses my mind at least once a day, and it is like I just can't control it. I am seeing a psychiartrist and psychologist, but nothing seems to help me. Is there anything out there before it is to late for me? I don't wanna die, but it is like I can't control it anymore. The more I have done it, it is like the easier it is for me and I am not afraid like I was. I have tried to talk to people/friends/family, but no-one seems to listen or take me serious until I do do something. Then they worry for a little while and then it is like "she won't do it again, or there is nothing wrong with her"... etc... please help me!
My response is in Green:
I will try to help you. Well actually I can't help you but I know who can. His name is Jesus Christ. You need a relationship with Him. If you have read much of my site at all you will already know some of this, but I will go over it just in case.
You were created just like every other human being in the image of God. You will never be complete or contented until you have a relationship with God. We have all sinned, meaning that we have all violated God's law at some point in our lives. Those sins stand between us and a relationship with God. We can't know Him or get close to Him until those sins are taken care of. The only way for them to be taken care of them is by the shedding of blood: (Hebrews 9:22 NIV) In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness. That pretty much sums up our problem. But wait there is good news (did you realize that is what the word Gospel means: good news?). The good news is that God loved us enough to shed His own blood for us. He sent His Son to die for our sins so that we would not have to. There is no greater expression of love then to die for someone. (Romans 5:8 NIV) But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Jesus died for us because of our sins. You might be thinking that does not help you in your situation but you would be wrong. The reason you would be wrong is that all your problems, your thoughts of suicide, everything is due to sin. Sin in this fallen world we live in. And like I said earlier it is what separates you from God and His love. The devil is our enemy and he wants you dead. Not that he really cares about you one way or the other, but as I also mentioned earlier God created you in His own image. Satan hates God and we remind him of God and therefore he hates us too. He would like nothing more than for you to kill yourself. You would be condemned to eternity in hell; punished for your sins. Satan would have gotten rid of one of those reminders of God and his own impending doom. And in a small way I think Satan thinks he can hurt God by getting people to reject God's free gift of salvation and kill themselves. That is because Satan knows that God loves us and does not want any of us to be punished, but yet His holy nature demands punishment for our sins. Either we accept Christ's payment while we are alive or we will be punished ourselves.
Get a Bible and start reading it. Ask God to open your eyes and show you who He is and what He wants for you. Ask Him to forgive you of your sins so that you can gain freedom and peace in your life. God loves you and wants to help you. He also has a plan for your life but you will never know what it is until you get right with Him.
There is nothing that 'man' can do to help you through this, only God can help you. I will pray for you, but you need to talk to God yourself. If you don't understand or you are not sure whether to believe or not, then tell Him that. Depression is one of the tactics the devil uses to defeat us. Don't let him, fight it. When you feel depressed, get out your Bible and read, get on your knees and pray. God never sleeps, nothing is too hard for Him, He never gets tired of our requests for help. Get to know Him.
You said no one seems to listen or understand or care, well God will always listen, He will always understand and He will always care, but first it is up to you to get right with Him. When you accept Jesus as your Savior you become a child of God and He becomes your Father. Not like an earthly father who has his own problems and gets bored with you because you don't seem to get any better, but a Heavenly Father who knows what you need before you even ask. A Father who loves you with a pure love which will never end. You don't need to be alone or in the dark anymore. God is light and He will stay with you always. He will make your life worth living!!
E-Mail Ralph (Whose comments are in green)