Hello, everyday I want to commit suicide. I've been married for 14 years and with the same woman since 7th grade. We have put Christ in our live but it has been almost 6 years since we've been to Church.
My problem is all of a sudden my wife won't do anything to help it is to the point we have separate bank accounts I'm tired and want to give it all up but I know my three boys would be very hurt from a father that gave up on life. I love them dearly and that is the only thing that keeps my going and living. Some days I just sit back in my room and cry my eyes away and wonder would it be better if I wasn't here. Then that's when I think of my boys and how they would live their lives with a failure. Someone please help me talk to me and try to help me lead myself on the right side of the fence right now I'm standing on top of the fence and looking at the side that the devil is on I need help bad, I'm very lonely and most of my friends keep me living by telling me your boys are there for you. My oldest son even stopped me from killing myself by walking in the room and saying Daddy what ever it is I love you and always will he then went on to say we are all behind you and will help you through it. I know for a fact it was the Lord because I was only thinking to hurt myself.
We had a long talk as if I was talking to a grown man, plus he said something that puzzled me he told me that hurting myself wouldn't solve anything.
Please Help me
My response is in Green:
I am a very blunt person, so be prepared. I read your message a couple of times and one thing keeps jumping out at me. Well really two things. First you say you and your wife have put Christ in your life. That is not the same thing as making Him Lord and Master of your life. The second thing is that it has been about 6 years since you have been to church.
I think those two statements explain the problems you are having. You need to get on your knees before Christ and make Him Lord and Master of your life, you need to get His word out and read it and you need to get into fellowship with other Christians.
We are in a battle against the devil and his demons and we can't go it alone. We need Jesus on our side and we need to be able to hear His voice. You need to get and keep your eyes on Him.
It is obvious that the Lord has not given up on you, but it looks like you have given up on Him. You said that all of a sudden your wife does not want to do anything to help. I doubt that is what happened, I bet it has been coming for a while and it goes right back to the first two things I said. Your marriage and your life are in the same boat, and they both need Christ as the Captain.
You should think of your boys, and you should think of your wife too, but most of all you should think of Jesus. You don't have the right to decide to take your life. If you are a Christian, then as the Bible says you were bought at a price. The price paid was Jesus' life. If you will get right with Him, I bet your life will start to straighten out. It might not happen instantly but it will happen.
Get back into a Bible believing, truth teaching church. Get together with other Christians, who will hold you accountable for attending church and your life. Get your Bible out and start reading it. It has a lot to offer you. For one it is how we obtain faith and keep our faith strong. Romans 10:17 (NIV) 17 Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. There is nothing that God can't handle, but you are not going to take your troubles to Him and allow Him to deal with them until you start to trust Him again.
Also, you said you feel like giving up. That is fine as long as your allow God to take the burden for you. Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV) 28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
You mentioned that the only thing stopping you from killing yourself are your sons. Well you better wake up to two things. First it is not just that your boys would have to live with your failure, it is that you would probably be sentencing them to hell. Why would they ever reach out to God and accept Christ if they see that it did you no good? That is not to say that God could not still reach them, but boy it would make it much harder for them to want to follow Christ.
Second you need to check your attitude. I take it from your statement that you and your wife have Christ in your life, that you are a Christian. Well if you are a Christian then you are to love God with all your heart, soul and mind. Do you? Don't answer too fast. If you sit in your room and think about killing yourself and God never enters your mind, then the answer is no. God keeps you alive, not to enjoy your life, but so that you will work for His kingdom. It is an added benefit that we get to enjoy our lives, but as you have seen, you won't really enjoy your life unless you are in God's will.
When you became a Christian the Holy Spirit moved into your heart. That made you the temple of God. Look what He says about His temple: 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 (NIV) 16 Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 17 If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.
You need to think long and hard about what is going on in your life. My suggestion is that you talk it over with God. Get His opinion and then follow it. You won't be sorry.
E-Mail Ralph (Whose comments are in green)