I was thinking about committing suicide. I am 13. I already tried pills... I don't think it was enough to do damage, but I didn't tell anyone. I am really scared now, because even though it was 4 days ago, it still hurts. And I thought since you made this page, you had some advise for me. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
My response is in Green:
Thank you for writing me. I do have some advise for you, but I am not sure you will want to hear what I have to say. First if you took pills 4 days ago and you are still hurting you should see a doctor right away. Being 13 I know that will probably mean you will have to tell your parents what happened. To be honest I think that is a good idea anyway.
You did not tell me what your situation is so I cannot know, but I know that many times problems seem much bigger than they really are. When we share our problems with someone it helps to get them into the right perspective.
Before I go any further, there is something I need to address. I hope you read my suicide page, if you did then you saw the questions I asked about what you think happens when you die. Since you have already tried to kill yourself once you need to answer that question as soon as possible.
While I was a Police Officer I saw death on almost a daily basis. I got very used to it. It got to the point where death did not bother me at all it seemed like it was just another emotion. You know, like you get mad and happy and sad and dead. No big deal. I use to look at the dead people and think, man at least they don't have to put up with this junk anymore. They are at peace, no more pain, no more suffering, etc... But you know what I found out later? That is all a lie!
Now I brought that up because I know that you see death on a daily basis too. You might not have thought about it that way, but you do. You see it in the movies you watch, you see it in the television you watch, you see it on the news, you hear about it in the classroom, you may have even experienced it with close friends who have died, you read about it in books, it is in most video games. You are surrounded by it. So what effect do you think it has on you? I bet it is much like the effect the real thing had on me. In case you are wondering, yes I have thought of suicide in the past.
So if this is a lie and if you are surrounded by death on all sides, who is telling the lie and who is making sure you see and hear about so much death? I believe with all my heart it is Satan. Satan would love for you to kill yourself. He loves for people to kill themselves because that one act seals their fate. Once you are dead it is too late to realize that God loves you and wants to make your life better by setting you free from the pain you are in. Until you take your very last breath there is still a chance that you will accept Jesus Christ as your savior, but once that last breath has left your lungs (no matter what age you are when that happens) you are done, it is over, finished, as they say it is all over but the crying.
Why does Satan care about you, why does he care if you go to heaven or hell? It is not like some people think, that he will be in hell tormenting other people. Oh he will be in hell alright, but he will be in agony himself and whether you are there or not will make no difference at all. So I go back to my question, why does he care? It is very simple. Satan was the first of all creation to sin against God. He wanted to be like God. Well God does not play that game and pronounced judgment on Satan. No matter how badly Satan might feel about what he did, it does not matter, there is no way for him to be forgiven. His fate is already sealed and he WILL spend eternity in hell.
But he found something out. He saw how much God loved the human race. He got Adam and Eve to sin, and I am sure he thought that would be the end of them; God would pronounce judgment on all humans and like him they would have no escape. But God did something that Satan did not plan on. He paid the price for our sins by sending His Son, Jesus to earth as a human to die for our sins. See Satan knew that God could not just forgive and forget sins. That is because God is a holy being and His nature makes Him punish sin. So when Adam and Eve sinned Satan must have had a good laugh, he had ruined God's plans.
The problem was that God's love was so great that He stepped in and took care of the debt for us. So here is why Satan cares if you go to heaven or hell, he knows that God loves each and every one of us. Satan cannot do anything to hurt God, with the exception of causing us to not accept God's love. Because God loves us He does not want to see anyone go to hell. (2 Peter 3:9 NIV) "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." This passage shows that God does not want anyone to be punished, that is why He allows the world to continue, so that more people will have the chance to be saved.
That is what you have to think about. If you succeed in killing yourself, you will have condemned yourself to suffering forever. On the other hand if you realize that this world is sinful and no matter what a raw deal you have had in your life you realize that you too are not blameless, but have sins for which God has the right to punish you. Then you are at a point where God can and will help you. Once you realize you need a savior to protect you from the judgment that God has pronounced on you, then you are ready to look at what God can do for you. He has already sent Jesus to die for your sins, and after He died God raised Him back to life. Now all you have to do is ask Him to forgive you and He will.
It almost sounds too easy doesn't it? Satan would like you to believe that too. I am not going to candy coat anything for you. Just because you accept Jesus as your savior your problems are not going to just go away. I don't know what your problems are, but lets just say you happened to get pregnant (assuming you are a girl, or got someone pregnant if you are a boy) and are afraid to tell anyone. Well if you ask Jesus to forgive you He will, but you will still be pregnant and most likely you will still be afraid to tell anyone. But there is a difference, you won't have to do it alone. God will stand by your side and hold you by the hand. This is one of my favorite verses: (Isaiah 41:10 NIV) So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
That's pretty awesome. The creator of the universe will stand by you and hold your hand! Also, there are many Christians out there who have been through whatever you are going through right now and they will help you through it. I don't know what you think of Christians, but this is the truth; Christians are just forgiven, most accepted Jesus after having done some pretty bad things. Most churches will have ex-homosexuals, ex-liars, ex-thieves, people who have had abortions, people who got pregnant outside of marriage, people who have been in jail and even people who tried to commit suicide. But they all have one thing in common, they asked God to forgive them and He did, and now they will spend eternity in heaven with Him. You reached out to me for help, now is the time to reach out to God. Just close your eyes and ask God to help you understand. Don't wait...
Please feel free to write me back. I will pray for you and I will ask some of my friends to pray for you. It might be hard to imagine but we love you, because we have been where you are now and God showed us how much He loved us and we want that to happen to you too.
I am sorry this got so long, but I felt it was important to make sure you understood. Thank you again for coming to my page and for writing me.
E-Mail Ralph (Whose comments are in green)