When I get really down, I just want to kill myself.

Hi I have read part of your page. I do believe in God and think I am saved. A lot has been happening to me and I just can't be happy. I feel like a loser and I just want to die. Not all time but when I get really down I just want to kill myself. I have never attempted it but sometimes I feel so low I am scared that I will one day. I am so embarrassed to feel this way. I just need some advice on how to not feel so bad. I hate waking up everyday and feeling awful. I just want to be happy again...I have been so depressed lately that I am sick and I just lay here in bed. Well thank you

My response is in Green:

I noticed a couple of things in your message that I would like to address. First you said that you 'think' you are saved. You can know for sure. Your salvation does not depend on your emotions, it depends on God. Acts 16:31 (NIV) They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved-you and your household." If you believe that Jesus was God, came to earth as a human, died for our sins and rose again, and if you ask Him to forgive you, you are saved! You can know for sure, because God says so. Satan will try to bring up your past and make you doubt your salvation, but Jesus said it best: John 8:44 (NIV) You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. He is the father of lies and you should not listen to him. He is the enemy of your soul, but Jesus is on your side. That is why the scripture says that greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world.

The second thing in your message that struck me is that you are a prisoner of war. We are in a battle and our battle is not against people. Look at what Paul said: Ephesians 6:12 (NIV) For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

If our struggle is not against flesh and blood, or in other words against people and things of this world, then we can't fight it with things of this world. I purposely did not quote all of that passage above, but I want to now, because Paul tells us how to fight this battle. Pay attention, because Paul was speaking to you! Ephesians 6:10-18 (NIV) [10] Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. [11] Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. [12] For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. [13] Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. [14] Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, [15] and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. [16] In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. [17] Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. [18] And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

You need to get out of bed, whether you feel like it or not. Get your Bible out and start reading it. It will also boost your faith. Romans 10:17 (NIV) Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. So if you need more faith, read your Bible. Need an offensive weapon against Satan? Read your Bible it is called the Sword of the Spirit for good reason.

Quit being embarrassed and get into the fight. The Lord is on your side, if you have accepted His Son, Jesus as your savior. None of what I have said applies if you have not done that first. If you haven't and you want to, then just talk to God and tell Him. I can give you a prayer to pray but you don't need my words, just tell God that you believe He loves you, that He sent Jesus to die for your sins and that Jesus is now in heaven. Then just ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins and help you to turn from those sins and live a righteous life.

I have written this message on the assumption that you are saved, but I wanted to cover salvation just in case, but now I will continue on my first assumption. The devil would like nothing more than to get you to kill yourself. As I said earlier he is the enemy of your soul and he is God's enemy. God loves you, so anything that the devil can do to harm you will cause God pain and concern. Satan cannot do anything to you that either you or God don't condone. Now sometimes God will allow Satan to attack His saints as He did in Job, but at other times it is us who allow those attacks, by not staying in the shadow of Jesus.

There is one further thing that Paul said that I think you should see: Ephesians 6:19 (NIV) Pray also for me, ... I only quoted the first part of the verse, the second part is what Paul wanted the Ephesians to pray about. The point is that even Paul needed the prayers of other believers, so why would we think we don't need them?

Here is another example of Paul's need for prayer: 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 (NIV) [8] We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. [9] Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. [10] He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, [11] as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. Do you really understand what Paul was saying? He is saying that he had been depressed and thought about dying. I won't go so far as to say that he thought about suicide, but I have to wonder if it did not cross his mind.

You are not alone! Look at what Paul says the reason they went through this hardship was; so that they would rely on God and not themselves. Are you relying on God for your strength, or are you relying on your own ability to handle what comes your way? You won't be able to do it yourself. Notice again that Paul says the prayers of other believers helped him. Don't think that you can walk this path alone, you can't. You need God most of all, but you also need the support and prayers of other believers.

God gave us the scripture to guide us, we lose out on help when we allow Satan to keep us from reading God's word. Get out your Bible and read and get on your knees and talk to God. Tell Him you need His help, that you realize you can't do this alone. Ask Him to help you find Christians friends who will support you but also hold you accountable for your daily reading of the Word and your attitude about life. Keep your eyes on Christ or you will sink like Peter did when he took his eyes off Jesus.

You may think I don't understand the pain you are in or the depression you are experiencing. You may think my advise is too easy and won't work. You would be right on the first one, I can't know what you are going through, but I have been through my own valleys and I know that the second statement is true. It is easy because you don't have to do it. That is the point, it is easy because God will do it for you if you allow Him to. As long as you try to fight your own battles you will be a prisoner of war at the mercy of the devil, but your Commander and Chief is waiting for you to ask for reinforcements. ASK!!! Jesus did not die for your sins just so you could live a miserable life of defeat and despair!

Feel free to write me anytime, but I will tell you, I have given you all the advise I have. You don't need to talk to me, you need to talk to your Savior, the Lover of your Soul!!

Ralph

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