I lost my best friend and my will to live.

hi i need to talk to some one i am suicidal and i had this friend during the summer that helped me. i hated my looks and my live i made my self throw up every time i ate and i slit my wrist 3 times but i just found out i was doing it wrong i never tried it the right way but I'm scared i will. this friend meant the world to me she 2 years older that me and she was suicidal a at my age .btu she got over it. She made me start eating right .she would shove food down my throat and make me sit in front of the mirrow say i love my self till i really mean it .she would take me out the house when i was depressed. everything she toled me i had to do .she didn't just tell me she made me . i hated it but she said it all for the best and i'ed thank her one day. so i stayed with her helping me and shed tell me all these thing that i really wouldn't listen to.

She touhgt she was doing nuthing to help me but she was by just showing me someone cared about me.and now everting she said to me i remember. well school was about to start and she told me we prob wouldnt see each other to much. she lived right by me but we went to different school and she always went out in the weekends and she does sports.well we started school and she was right but i was doing ok till i started hating my self again i was so ugly and all my friends had boyfriends and i never really wanted to go out. i started staying in my room all the time not eating cutting myself any where to make the pain stop i was getting bad!!! and then volleyball started i meat another girl i always knew her but she was never really the group i could hang around with but she saw one day that i was upset and i didn't want to tell her b/c i lost so many of my friend by tell them about me i didn't want to tell her but she said if i need her to come talk to her. She started to see that i was getting weeker and never went eat out with the team and games so she asked if she could come over one day to talk and i told her everything and i'm glad i did but i still miss the other girl and to make this a little shorter ill say now i'm not getting better i'm writhing to u to see if u could help me out i don't want to go to a consler r anything and some times i dunno if i want to get better. i talk to the other girl a wile back and she told me that i have to do this in my own and i need her sooo much she was like my sister my angel. I dunno what to do r say i'm afraid i well do something stupid and i will never get to tell her how i feel.she promise me she wouldnt tell my parents and i trust her.

i never go any where anymore i lost 45lbs from not eating r throwing it up i have to cover my wrist from my parents and. i had a verry abusive father. i know if the other girl would come back to me i could get better but she said she dosent want to talk to a wall anymore.she was the reason i was living i need her but she dosent see that please from reading this can u tell me anythnig i can do. i want to die that not normal but i cant tell u the reason i'm right this i have no idea i just need some advice so please right back i duno what to do anymore...i need some one that would see in me all she thinks o want is attention. but thats not it at all so wright back if u get a chance i lost my life my strength to wanting to live and most of all my best friend...

thanks for ur time

My response is in Green:

I need to start at the beginning. First we were created by God, who is a real being. He is holy and can't stand sin in any shape or form. When He created Adam and Eve they were without sin, but in His great love God gave them a free will to choose do what is right or to disobey Him. To make a long story short, they sinned. Because of their sin all of us since then have been born with a sinful nature. In other words we tend to do what is wrong.

Now God can't stand sin. His holy nature demands punishment for sin and we have all sinned. (Romans 3:23 NIV) "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"

The punishment that He demands is death. So we are all under a death sentence. That leaves us all with a huge problem which we cannot take care of ourselves. Yet God loves us and wants us to be able to have a relationship with Him. Because God cannot change His nature and because His nature demands death as a punishment for sin, He cannot just forgive and forget. But He did something that we would never have thought of; His holy nature demands death for sin but that would mean we would be forever separated from Him; so since He loved us so much He sent His Son (Jesus) to earth as a human. Now Jesus is also God, He is one of what we call the Trinity, which is one God, but in three persons; Father, Son (Jesus) and Holy Spirit. So God (Jesus) came to earth as a human, who was born sinless, lived a sinless life and died for our sins. He died in our place; thus fulfilling the demand for death as a punishment for sin.

That much would have been great, but God was not done. After three days Jesus arose (came back to life). Now what difference does this make? Well it makes a lot of difference because if He had not come back to life with a new perfect body, then we would only be able to look forward to being spirits for eternity. God made us flesh so that we could enjoy the other things that He created for us; such as food, beautiful scenery, etc... But death come into the world because of Adam and Eve's sin and our whole world started to die at that point. They say that the day we are born we start dying. That is so true! Anyway, since Jesus was resurrected with a new perfect body (by perfect I mean it will never die, it will never get sick, it will never feel pain, etc...) then we also can know that after we die we will receive a new perfect body. (John 11:25-26 NIV) [25] Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; [26] and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

So how do we get all this? That is easy, we only have to believe that God does love us, that He send Jesus to die for us, that He raised Him again and that He will forgive us if we ask. Then all we have to do is ask and He will. (John 3:16 NIV) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

So you might be asking what does this have to do with you? That is the point, you are miserable because you were created to have a relationship with God and until you do you won't feel right. Other people can take God's place for a short time but just as you have experienced it does not last. You need God in your life. The only way to get Him in your life is to admit that you have done wrong things which you know are wrong and ask Him to forgive you.

You need to get a Bible and start reading it. You will find how much God loves you. He loves you because He created you. He has a purpose for your life, but you will never find that purpose until you get right with Him. Satan would love for you to kill yourself because that would seal your fate in hell. Don't let him do that to you.

You mentioned that you cut yourself to get rid of the pain. That pain is what God will take away from you. Cutting yourself only helps for a little while and afterwards you are embarrassed, right? Well God will take the pain away forever and you won't ever have to feel embarrassed about it again.

I know that you are not just trying to get attention, but I also understand why people think that. See in a why you are trying to get attention, you are looking for someone to care about you, to love you for who you are. The problem is that you are looking in the wrong places. No matter how much a person loves you, they will get tired of the struggle, but God won't get tired of loving you. Think about it; He sent His only Son to die for you. If He loved you that much, do you really think He won't help you now if you ask Him? Will He ever stop loving you if He loved you enough to die for you? The answer if NO!

God won't force Himself on you, you have to come to Him because you want to, but if you do He will reach out and help you. He will never leave you alone again. Here are a couple of my favorite verses from the Bible: Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV) [28] Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. [29] He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. [30] Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; [31] but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. God never gets tired!

Here is another one: Isaiah 41:10 (NIV) So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Wow think about that, God is going to help you and hold your hand. If the God of the universe is taking care of you what could possibly hurt you?

One of the things you need to face is that you cutting yourself and your throwing up are both sins and you need to stop them. Look at this verse, now it was written to Christians but it applies to you too if you accept Jesus as your Savior: 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV) [19] Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; [20] you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. What was the price you were bought with? It was Jesus' life. He died for your sins and now you need to honor Him. I know that it might be hard at first to stop these things, but if you will ask God to forgive you and ask Him to help you He will. There is hope and it is through God.

You need to find some Christians friends too, so that they can help support you. Most people look at churches and think that the people inside can't understand their problems. For some reason they seem to think those Christians have all lead a good life and had no problems. I am here to tell you that most churches are full of people who used to be homosexuals, thieves, liars, cutters, adulterers, you name it they did it. The only difference between them and you is that they have asked Jesus to forgive them. That is important to remember because it means that in most churches there would be someone who has gone through some of the same things you have. Who better to help you than someone who has been where you are now?

I hope you will give God a chance to show you how much He loves you. He is waiting for you to come to Him. He wants to help you. I will pray for you.

Ralph

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