I was saved last year but am now thinking of suicide.

Hello I am seriously thinking of commiting suicide or ending my life I am 22 years old going through personel hell, suffering and torment yes I do believe there is a GOD I want to talk about my life a little groing up I was teased at by other kids even by my parents they called me ugly and belittled me because of my appearance I felt unattractive lonely deppressed mostly my whole life I never had a GirlFriend all I had was girls that took advantage of me

I became saved last year and I thought this is my hope my salvation God was somehow going to set me free from this pain that I go through if I believe in him so far I am still depressed and suffering I would like a relationship so bad I pray to God to give me a companion but to no avail. I had friends that at my tuffest times abandoned me Parents who treat me like I dont matter like my brother is going to make something of himself and I am just in the way. I know that God wants us to make his will not mine but its very hard to think about God when you are in serious depression and loneliness when I pray I say please God do your will not mine but I am also saying to myself this will make God happy and I will get my wish I dont know how to pray, Act nobody likes the way I am or act, dress I have the worst taste for clothes, look I look terrible I have no real friends my family is so cruel to me, its like the devil is doing a great job in keeping me down and I feel I have no reason to live. I try to change myself by buying new clothes acting different but to no avail I feel life is so hopeless I feel like I am losing a battle with life I cannot win. when girls look at me in the street mostly alot of them just look away it tears me up inside because I just want to be loved like everyone else in the world alot of times I blame God because he has so much power but yet he continues to leave my life like this knowing that with just the snap of a finger he can help me my life is so boring and horrible I just dont know what to do anymore my only way out is either suicide or plastic surgery.

P.S. was Jesus ugly read Isaiah 53 1-4 I hope he was because that would mean he probably suffered what I am going through.

My response is in Green:

I will try to help you but I will tell you right up front that it will entail you taking a hard look at yourself and at God. I am truly sorry that you had such a bad childhood, but there comes a point where you need to put that behind you. That point is where you became a Christian: (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! So the moment you became a Christian you became a new creation. The old or in other words the past was gone.

This brings me to my main point. It appears to me that you accepted Christ as your savior because you thought that would get rid of the pain in your life. This is the wrong reason to accept Christ, in fact the very word accept is wrong. See when we say that we accepted Christ it sounds like we decided to take a nice offer that He extended to us, with no strings attached. That is not exactly what salvation is all about. We will all have to answer to God someday for the wrong things we have done. These are called sins and we have all done some of them. God is holy and demands death for anyone who sins. (Ezekiel 18:4 NIV) For every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son--both alike belong to me. The soul who sins is the one who will die.

You must come to that point, where you realize that God is holy and you are not and that He demands repentance from you or He will punish you. It has nothing to do with living a nice comfortable life in this life or being free from pain. It has to do with what we owe Him.

That is the bad news, we are all under a death sentence from a Holy God, who can't stand sin and we have all sinned. Now for the good news. God loves us and does not want us to go to hell to be punished for our sins. Because He is Holy He can't just forgive and forget our sins, His Holy nature demands that some one pays for those sins. (John 3:16 NIV) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Here is more good news: (Romans 5:8 NIV) But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

So what does this mean to us? It means that if we die without getting right with God we will go to hell for eternity and suffer in punishment for our sins. However, if we will believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for our sins, and if we confess our sins (admit them to God) and ask Him to forgive us He will. And if we believe that after He died God the Father raised Him back to life then we will be saved and if we die we will go to be with God. (Romans 10:9 NIV) That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

That is the reason we become Christians, because we owe a debt we can't afford to pay ourselves. If the reason a person becomes a Christian is for what they think God will do for them, but they never admit that they are a sinner and owe Him everything, then they don't really have salvation.

So the question to you is which are you? Do you realize that you owe God everything, and He owes you nothing? Do you realize that you are a sinner and are under a death sentence from a Holy God? Do you realize that is why God sent His only Son to die in your place? If not then you need to go back to basics and start all over. If you say you do realize all that then you need to take stock of your life.

I addressed all that because of the things you said. For one you said that you blame God because He has all the power and He does not make you happy. Well that is not God's job. We were created for His pleasure not for our own. Now don't get me wrong, God loves us and wants us to be happy, but we will never truly be happy until we realize who we are and who He is. We will never be happy until we are in His will and doing what He wants us to do. People don't preach this much anymore, I guess they are afraid but that is the way it is. Many people are like you and come to know Christ as a way to get what they want, that won't work.

You need to put your wants on the back burner and start trying to serve God and truly want His will. You said you pray that His will be done but that you do it so that He will be happy with you and will give you what you want. You can't play games with God. If you will trust Him and allow Him to run your life, then things will start to work out the way they are suppose to, but that might not always be the way you think they should.

You message had several of these statements in it. You want God to send someone to you who will love you, but you miss the whole point of how much He loves you. He sent His only Son to die in your place, even though you did not deserve it. That is love. Start to admire God for who He really is and your life will change.

Trust me suicide is not the answer. You think you are lonely now, well you have no idea what hell will be like. Nothing that has happened so far in your life is anything compared to hell. Hell is eternal torment and there is no escape once you are there. The only chance for escape is now while you are alive but that has to be done in humility before a Holy God.

You mentioned Isaiah 53 and said you hoped that it meant that Jesus was ugly because then He would know what you are going through. He does understand what you are going through, but that passage does not say that He was ugly, it says He had no beauty to draw us to Him. Meaning that if you saw Him in a crowd He would just look like everyone else. Yet, like I said He does understand what you have been through. This is the Almighty God of the Universe, yet for your and my sakes He allowed Himself to be beaten, to be spit on, to be mocked, to be laughed at, to be stripped naked and hung on a cross like a common criminal. Yes He can understand the hurts that you feel.

It is an old saying but it is true, beauty is inside not outside. We humans all to often look at the outside to decide who is a good person but God looks on the inside. You can meet someone who is beautiful and within minutes know that you don't want to spend another minute with them, yet you can meet someone who is ugly and within minutes know that you have found a true friend.

You need to get your eyes off yourself and onto Christ and for the right reasons. If you don't you will never be happy.

Ralph

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