If God loves me so much, why must I go on in this world?

Please help! I a was diagnosed Bipolar < manic Depressed> ten years ago and have put my family through a pure living hell. Everything I touch turns to crap. I have lost my job and we go to court this Thursday for a bankruptcy. I am 45 and can't even communicate properly with my 8 year old granddaughter. I have checked out my insurance policies and they both will cover my suicide. I also self-mutilate by cutting my wrists and arms and I have even beaten on the door so hard I have broken my hand on two separate occasions. I was brought up Catholic and believe there is a greater power but where is he? And if he loved me so much why must I go on in this world? My first case of abuse occurred when I was only 5 and was molested my a 62 year old something I will never forget. I will understand if the answers are not in your return but I just needed to get this out before I find an alternative method.

My response is in Green:

Thank you for writing me. I will do my best to help. First I noticed that you said you were raised Catholic, but you did not say if you have a personal relationship with Christ. My wife was also raised Catholic, but she did not even realize you could have a personal relationship until after we go married.

It may seem that this has nothing to do with your message, but I believe it has everything to do with how you feel and what is going on in your life. Let me start at the very beginning. We are all born into sin. None of us is free from the stain of sin on our lives. The Bible says: (Romans 3:22-23 NIV) This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, {23} for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...

Because sin is an offense towards God and His holy nature, He demands death to anyone who has sinned. That is all of us. Yet He loves us. (John 3:16-17 NIV) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. {17} For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

He can't change His holy nature and just forget about our sin, it has to be paid for with blood. So He sent Jesus His Son to die for our sins. Or in other words to pay the penalty for us. Now if we believe that Jesus died for our sins and that He rose again and we ask Him to forgive us, He will forgive us and we move from death to life. This is what I call a personal relationship with Christ. No one else can do it for you. No church, no baptism, no sacrament, nothing else other than personally asking Him to forgive you will get you to heaven.

So if you have never realized that you are a sinner on your way to hell and asked Jesus to save you, then that is the only starting point that makes any sense. That is the most important thing to God. He wants you to know Him personally so that when you die you can spend eternity with Him. Here is a great verse about what it will be like: (Revelation 21:4 NIV) He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Don't let Satan throw a bunch of junk in your face and distract you from this most important step. Now God loves every human being, but only those who have asked Jesus to forgive them are His children. When you ask Jesus to forgive you and come into your heart, you are adopted into God's family. He becomes your Father. That is when He starts listening to your prayers. Before you are His child the only prayer He will always hear is a prayer of repentance. A sinner can ask all day long for God to help them and if He wants He can answer that prayer, but usually He doesn't. But when His children ask Him for something, He is always there and is always listening and will always answer. Now sometimes we won't get the answer we want, but He is a loving Father who answers according to what is best for us.

So here is my point to all of this. Your life is a mess. You wonder where God is in all of this. He is right there waiting for you to come to Him. You also asked if He loves you so much, why must you go on in this world. Again if you have not accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior and you die you will go to hell without any further chances of forgiveness. So be happy that He has not allowed you to die. Maybe He has put you through some of this so that you would get to the point where you would come to Him.

I can't tell you that if you accept Jesus as your savior tonight your life will be all roses tomorrow. It probably won't. I can guarantee you that things will get better, because at the point that you accept Christ, He will hold your hand and walk with you. Think of that, the Creator of the universe will take a hold of your hand and walk with you through everything you go through. And the more you allow Him to control your life the more He will and the better things will get. He can take care of manic depression. He can teach you how to communicate with your granddaughter. He can make your life worthwhile and fulfilling. Not only can He but He will, if you allow Him to.

I know what I am talking about. I too was sinking into the quicksand and saw no way out. My first marriage was in the toilet, I was abusing alcohol, I was 30 but felt like I was 80. I did not want to live anymore. Life was just one big pain. I was so tired. All I wanted was rest. Real rest. I thought that maybe death would give me that rest. But that is a lie... Death will only speed you towards the day of judgment. Only God can give you real rest.

You said you were molested at the age of 5. I am truly sorry about that but I know that God can heal that too. He can calm that anger and hate that you have deep in our heart too. What you have in your heart is a cancer called sin. It is dark and ugly and it will kill you sooner or later, unless you ask God to take it out of there.

I know that I am pretty blunt sometimes, but I think most people are tired of hearing worthless words. The truth is often offensive but it is still the truth. It is only offensive because of our evil natures. We don't want to admit that we are sinful or that we can't change ourselves, or that we really need God's help, but until we do admit it there is nothing that can be done for us.

I praise God that you were willing to come to my page and write me. I will pray that you will hear God calling you and that you will give Him a chance. He loves you and He wants to help you. There is nothing difficult about it, there are no magic words. Just ask Jesus to come into your heart and forgive you and help you. I know He will. Don't wait, your life will not get any better.

Please feel free to write me back. I would love to hear from you.

Ralph

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