I have lived a very deprived life.

I believe in God and Christ. I am an active Christian. However, I have lived a very deprived life. Deprived of many things other than money. I cannot stand the pain, the humiliation. I cannot stand hurting other people who are very close to me and see my state. What is worse is that things will not change for me in the future. I have prayed to God many times for help. I asked God to help me live. However, there are many people who need help in the world. I am not special to have God do something so big for me. I am ashamed of myself, but death is the only way to stop the pain. I have claimed my social security money which I will get at the end of August. After that I am prepared to end my life with a chemical I found which gives a heart attack. A psyciatrist has given me some pills to help me from my depression but these feelings of pain and humiliation are so strong that ...

Please don't judge me badly. You are not the one crying everyday. You are not the one who feels so much pain and humiliation that you very often have a knob on your throat. I have to stop the pain. That is all I want.

Thank You.

My response is in Green:

You say you are an active Christian. What does that mean? The reason I ask is because your very next statement says it all, YOU have lived a very deprived life. Hum, I wonder if Peter, or Paul would have said the same thing? The both died for their faith. They were both beaten and put in prison because of their faith. Yet, they praised God that they were worthy to share in His sufferings.

That is my point, you say you are an active Christian, yet you go on to say that you want to kill yourself (very unchristian by the way) because you have not had all that you want in your life. No I am not the one crying daily, but that does not change the facts. Your focus is all wrong. You are focused on what you want not what God wants. You need to put Him first in your life, then you will have a different perspective on the world.

(Psalms 19:7-11 NIV) The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. [8] The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. [9] The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous. [10] They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. [11] By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.

These are not just made up words, they are God's words and they were written to help us with the struggles in this life. You said that death is the only way to stop the pain. That is a lie, death at your own hands will do nothing but lock that pain onto your back for all eternity, plus give you even more because you will be separated from God and His love.

When a person decides to take their own life, they are telling God that they don't care what His plans for them are, all they care about is their own plans. They are telling God that they want to the god of their own life. He will allow you do make that decision, but don't think He will just forget that you made it and open His arms to you. The Bible tells us that if we are to follow Christ we must live as He lived. This is how we know we are Christians: (1 John 2:3-6 NIV) [3] We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. [4] The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. [5] But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: [6] Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

If you are a true Christian then your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and you better treat it like it is: (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV) [19] Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; [20] you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. Do you honestly believe that taking a drug to kill your body is honoring God with your body? It is time to wake up and get right with God. That is where the problem is. These thoughts are sinful and you need to confess them to God and ask Him to forgive you and to take control of your life.

Be ashamed of the sin, but glorify God through your life. He is where your only hope is. Remember suicide will not stop the pain, only God can do that.

Ralph

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